Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Ask Scaebolah! # 4

To My Beloved Readers,

Happy New Year to everyone! Let me begin by thanking those who sent in their questions and problems. It is a bit overwhelming, to tell the truth. As many of you may be aware, finely crafted legal research takes time, which explains the backlog. Still, our duty remains: to give legal solutions to real-life problems and shine the guiding light of the law to the deepest corners of the heart.

The solution to the quagmire I found myself in soon presented itself in the form of our new Chief Justice, Artemio Panganiban, himself a known backlog-buster. Flash of inspiration! Instead of torturing myself with each question, I can write lightweight, easy-to-read responses. Why, I can probably get away with no legal basis whatsoever (or, in a bind, conveniently transpose Canon Law into my rulings). Truly this is legal craftmanship for the 21st century!

Dear Scaebolah,

My Mom is forcing me to become a nurse, but I want to be a lawyer. What should I do?

-Lisette

Dear Lisette,

Why the hell would you want to be a lawyer in the first place? You’ll face four years of mind-numbing torture and moral erosion, and all for what? Chances are, your career choices will be: a) work for a demonic Makati law firm 2) work for a demonic government bureau or 3) work for a demonic cause-oriented group. Have you ever seen The Devil’s Advocate? It’s based on a true story.

Being a nurse isn’t that bad. Lots of travel opportunities and high income. If you truly want to fight for justice, train in Ninjutsu and become a Dark Avenger.

Wishing you the best,
Scaebolah

Dear Scaebolah,

Why do we hurt the ones we love?

- Sorry

Dear Sorry,

There are two prevalent theories on the matter. First, love is akin to a debilitating mental disease amounting to insanity, and therefore constitutes an exempting circumstance for the hurter. The second theory is that love is akin to assumption of risk, and thus deprives the hurtee of a cause of action: you knew what you were getting into, so just take one for the team. Both these theories point to one conclusion: we hurt the ones we love simply because we can get away with it.

Hope this helps,
Scaebolah

Dear Scaebolah,

How do I pass the LAE?

- Wannabe_Maroon

Dear Wannabe_Maroon,

Your view that one can “pass” the LAE is charming, albeit mistaken. As if one can control the flow of events in this college. Malcolm Hall is a maelstrom of destiny, and the LAE its cryptic guardian. You don’t pass the LAE, the LAE passes you. Thus you must open yourself completely to it, let it flow through you. Learn passivity and submissiveness, they are crucial to your survival in this school.

Good luck,
Scaebolah

Dear Scaebolah,

Why do some cases contain extensive Spanish quotations?

- TranslatePlease

Dear TranslatePlease,

Me burro esta muerto. No me gustan los caballos. ¿Donde puedo comprar un bigote falso para mi perro? A mi llama se le ha caido una pata y querria comprar una rueda de repuesto, por favor. Soy Zod, el master de la destruccion. Mi mision es gobernar tu debil pais y esclavizar a sus piltrafillas por toda la eternidad. MMMWwwwhhhaaaa Hhhaa hhaaa haaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Salud,
Scaebolah

6 Comments:

Blogger jillsabs said...

hehehehe scaebolah rules!

9:25 PM  
Blogger riche||e said...

burro pobre de todos modos, habría sido más fácil si usted acaba de decir a lechón pobre que las cortes coticen pasos muy largos de la jurisprudencia arcaica en español porque desean torturar a los estudiantes que tienen que leerlo.

yeah scaebolah you rock.

11:17 PM  
Blogger emer said...

thanks! you can help spread the love. "ask scaebolah!" is free to copy, reprint, or perform (this last one is just sad). we're releasing it under a creative commons license:

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.5/

10:41 AM  
Blogger People Powered™ said...

mas gusto ko yung lumang estilo ng Ask Scaebolah...

1:19 PM  
Blogger emer said...

omar:

me too. not too worry, there are a lot of questions left, many of them merit a "full blown" ask scaebolah decision. i guess the new format will still pop up every now and then to please everyone, non-law people included :)

2:25 PM  
Anonymous lisette said...

thanks for answering my question!

i so love you! hehe.

10:55 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home